absmiddle FreeBSD 小惡魔

[版主] 本文轉自 FreeBSD EE Chat 版, FreeBSD 的標誌很口愛喔^_^ scrappy@hub.org (The Hermit Hacker): CrazyGuy.bbs@freebsd.ee.ntu.edu.tw 翻譯 The following is a true story. 下面的是一個真實的故事 Last week I walked into a local "home style cookin' restaurant/watering hole" to pick up a take out order. I spoke briefly to the waitress behind the counter, who told me my order would be done in a few minutes. 上周我走進了一家本地的 "家庭式" 餐廳/酒吧 要點些外帶. 我簡短的對櫃檯後的女 侍交代了之後她告訴我我點的菜將會在幾分鐘之內準備好. So, while I was busy gazing at the farm implements hanging on the walls, I was approached by two, uh, um... well, let's call them "natives". These guys might just be the *original* Texas rednecks -- complete with ten-gallon hats, snakeskin boots and the pervasive odor of cheap beer and whiskey. 當我正在努力的看著牆上所掛的農具時, 我被兩個, 哦, 嗯... 就叫他們 "當地人" 好了, 這些傢伙很可能就是 *原生* 的德洲紅脖子 -- 帶著頂牛仔帽 (寬邊高呢帽) 穿著蛇皮靴以及漫布在空氣中那便宜的脾酒及威士忌的味道 "Pardon us, ma'am. Mind of we ask you a question?" "對不起, 女士. 介意我們問你一個問題嗎?" Well, people keep telling me that Texans are real friendly, so I nodded. 人們總是告訴我德州人真的很友善, 所以我點頭了. "Are you a Satanist?" "妳是個惡魔崇拜者嗎?" Well, at least they didn't ask me if I liked to party. 嗯, 最少他們沒有問我是否我喜歡開 Party. "Uh, no, I can't say that I am." "喔, 我想我不是" "Gee ma'am. Are you *sure* about that?" they asked. "嘿, 女士, 妳很 *確定* 嗎?" 他們問道 I put on my biggest, brightest Dallas Cowboys cheerleader smile and said, "No, I'm positive. The closest I've ever come to Satanism is watching Geraldo." 我把我那最甜最亮麗, 為達拉斯牛仔隊加油的笑容擺在臉上說: "不我是說真的. 我所做過的事中最接近惡魔崇拜的就是看 Geraldo" "Hmm. Interesting. See, we was just wondering why it is you have the lord of darkness on your chest there." "嗯... 那就有趣了. 我們正好在奇怪為何妳把黑暗之神放在妳的胸前?" I was *this close* to slapping one of them and causing a scene -- then I stopped and noticed the T-shirt I happened to be wearing that day. Sure enough, it had a picture of a small, devilish looking creature that has for quite some time now been associated with a certain operating system. In this particular representation, the creature was wearing sneakers. 我幾乎要甩他們其中之一耳光了 -- 我停下來然後我注意到了剛好我今天穿的沒錯, 是有個小小的看來像是惡魔的生物的圖片. 這個生物長久以來都代表著某種作業系統. 在這個圖片中, 這個生物穿著膠底運動鞋. They continued: "See, ma'am, we don't exactly *appreciate* it when people show off pictures of the devil. Especially when he's lookin' so friendly." 他們繼續道: "女士, 我們並不欣賞人們到處炫耀惡魔的圖片, 尤其是當它看其來如此 的友善的時候. " These idiots sounded terrifyingly serious. 這些白癡說起來是這麼令人可怕的嚴肅. Me: "Oh, well, see, this isn't really the devil, it's just, well, it's sort of a mascot." 我: "喔, 這並不是真的惡魔, 這只是, ㄜ, 一種吉祥物." Native: "And what kind of football team has the devil as a mascot?" 當地人: "那是那一個足球隊用惡魔當吉祥物的?" Me: "Oh, it's not a team. It's an operating -- uh, a kind of computer." 我: " 這不是一個球隊. 這是一種作業 -- ㄜ, 一種電腦. " I figured that an ATM machine was about as much technology as these guys could handle, and I knew that if I so much as uttered the word "unix" I would only make things worse. 我想自動提款機是這些人所能掌握的最先進的科技了. 而且我知道我只會讓事情更遭, 如果我講出像是 "unix" 這種字眼. Native: "Where does this satanical computer come from?" 當地人: "這種惡魔電腦是從那冒出來的?" Me: "California. And there's nothing satanical about it really." 我: "加州. 而且這些跟惡魔一點關係都沒有, 真的" Somewhere along the line here, the waitress has noticed my predicament -- but these guys probably outweighed her by 600 pounds, so all she did was look at me sympathetically and run off into the kitchen. 女侍注意到了我的處境 -- 但是這些人大概比她重了有 600 磅吧, 所以她只能同情的看了我一眼, 就跑進廚房去了 Native: "Ma'am, I think you're lying. And we'd appreciate it if you'd leave the premises now." 當地人: "女士, 我想妳在說謊. 我們希望妳立刻離開這一帶. " Fortunately, the waitress returned that very instant with my order, and they agreed that it would be okay for me to actually pay for my food before I left. While I was at the cash register, they amused themselves by talking to each other. 幸運的, 就在那一刻, 女侍帶回了我的外帶, 而他們也同意在我離開前先把帳結清. 當我在櫃檯前結帳時, 他們私底下互相交談. Native #1: "Do you think the police know about these devil computers?" 你覺得警察會知道這些惡魔電腦嗎? Native #2: "If they come from California, then the FBI oughta know about 'em." 如果他們從加州來, 那 FBI 就應該會知道. They escorted me to the door. I tried one last time: "You're really blowing this all out of proportion. A lot of people use this "kind of computers". Universities, researchers, businesses. They're actually very useful." 他們護送我到門口. 我又試了最後一次: "你們真的只是以偏概全. 很多人都在用 "這種電腦". 大學,研究人員, 公司行號. 他們真的很有用." Big, big, BIG mistake. I should have guessed at what came next. 大大大錯誤. 我早該猜到接下來的事. Native: "Does the government use these devil computers?" 當地人: "政府也用這種電腦嗎?" Me: "Yes." 我: "是的" Another BIG boo-boo. 又說錯一句話. Native: "And does the government *pay* for 'em? With *our* tax dollars?" 當地人: "那政府用 *我們* 的稅金來 *支付* 嗎?" I decided that it was time to jump ship. 該是我跳船的時候了 Me: "No. Nope. Not at all. You're tax dollars never entered the picture at all. I promise. No sir, not a penny. Our good Christian congressmen would never let something like that happen. Nope. Never. Bye." 我: "不. 不是. 決對沒有. 你們的稅金從來就沒有進入過圖片中. 我保證. 絕沒有一毛錢是花在這上面的. 我們信奉基督的良善的國會議員們 絕對不會讓這種事情發生的. 絕不. 再見. " Texas. What a country. 德州. 什麼樣的一個地方啊.