[版主] 本文轉自 FreeBSD EE Chat 版, FreeBSD 的標誌很口愛喔^_^
firstname.lastname@example.org (The Hermit Hacker):
The following is a true story.
Last week I walked into a local "home style cookin' restaurant/watering
hole" to pick up a take out order. I spoke briefly to the waitress behind
the counter, who told me my order would be done in a few minutes.
上周我走進了一家本地的 "家庭式" 餐廳/酒吧 要點些外帶. 我簡短的對櫃檯後的女
So, while I was busy gazing at the farm implements hanging on the walls, I
was approached by two, uh, um... well, let's call them "natives". These
guys might just be the *original* Texas rednecks -- complete with ten-gallon
hats, snakeskin boots and the pervasive odor of cheap beer and whiskey.
當我正在努力的看著牆上所掛的農具時, 我被兩個, 哦, 嗯... 就叫他們 "當地人"
好了, 這些傢伙很可能就是 *原生* 的德洲紅脖子 -- 帶著頂牛仔帽 (寬邊高呢帽)
"Pardon us, ma'am. Mind of we ask you a question?"
"對不起, 女士. 介意我們問你一個問題嗎?"
Well, people keep telling me that Texans are real friendly, so I nodded.
"Are you a Satanist?"
Well, at least they didn't ask me if I liked to party.
嗯, 最少他們沒有問我是否我喜歡開 Party.
"Uh, no, I can't say that I am."
"Gee ma'am. Are you *sure* about that?" they asked.
"嘿, 女士, 妳很 *確定* 嗎?" 他們問道
I put on my biggest, brightest Dallas Cowboys cheerleader smile and said,
"No, I'm positive. The closest I've ever come to Satanism is watching
我把我那最甜最亮麗, 為達拉斯牛仔隊加油的笑容擺在臉上說: "不我是說真的.
"Hmm. Interesting. See, we was just wondering why it is you have the lord
of darkness on your chest there."
"嗯... 那就有趣了. 我們正好在奇怪為何妳把黑暗之神放在妳的胸前?"
I was *this close* to slapping one of them and causing a scene -- then I
stopped and noticed the T-shirt I happened to be wearing that day. Sure
enough, it had a picture of a small, devilish looking creature that has for
quite some time now been associated with a certain operating system. In
this particular representation, the creature was wearing sneakers.
我幾乎要甩他們其中之一耳光了 -- 我停下來然後我注意到了剛好我今天穿的沒錯,
They continued: "See, ma'am, we don't exactly *appreciate* it when people
show off pictures of the devil. Especially when he's lookin' so friendly."
他們繼續道: "女士, 我們並不欣賞人們到處炫耀惡魔的圖片, 尤其是當它看其來如此
These idiots sounded terrifyingly serious.
Me: "Oh, well, see, this isn't really the devil, it's just, well, it's sort
of a mascot."
我: "喔, 這並不是真的惡魔, 這只是, ㄜ, 一種吉祥物."
Native: "And what kind of football team has the devil as a mascot?"
Me: "Oh, it's not a team. It's an operating -- uh, a kind of computer."
我: " 這不是一個球隊. 這是一種作業 -- ㄜ, 一種電腦. "
I figured that an ATM machine was about as much technology as these guys
could handle, and I knew that if I so much as uttered the word "unix" I
would only make things worse.
而且我知道我只會讓事情更遭, 如果我講出像是 "unix" 這種字眼.
Native: "Where does this satanical computer come from?"
Me: "California. And there's nothing satanical about it really."
我: "加州. 而且這些跟惡魔一點關係都沒有, 真的"
Somewhere along the line here, the waitress has noticed my predicament --
but these guys probably outweighed her by 600 pounds, so all she did was
look at me sympathetically and run off into the kitchen.
女侍注意到了我的處境 -- 但是這些人大概比她重了有 600 磅吧,
Native: "Ma'am, I think you're lying. And we'd appreciate it if you'd leave
the premises now."
當地人: "女士, 我想妳在說謊. 我們希望妳立刻離開這一帶. "
Fortunately, the waitress returned that very instant with my order, and they
agreed that it would be okay for me to actually pay for my food before I
left. While I was at the cash register, they amused themselves by talking to
幸運的, 就在那一刻, 女侍帶回了我的外帶, 而他們也同意在我離開前先把帳結清.
Native #1: "Do you think the police know about these devil computers?"
Native #2: "If they come from California, then the FBI oughta know about
如果他們從加州來, 那 FBI 就應該會知道.
They escorted me to the door. I tried one last time: "You're really blowing
this all out of proportion. A lot of people use this "kind of computers".
Universities, researchers, businesses. They're actually very useful."
他們護送我到門口. 我又試了最後一次: "你們真的只是以偏概全. 很多人都在用
"這種電腦". 大學,研究人員, 公司行號. 他們真的很有用."
Big, big, BIG mistake. I should have guessed at what came next.
Native: "Does the government use these devil computers?"
Another BIG boo-boo.
Native: "And does the government *pay* for 'em? With *our* tax dollars?"
當地人: "那政府用 *我們* 的稅金來 *支付* 嗎?"
I decided that it was time to jump ship.
Me: "No. Nope. Not at all. You're tax dollars never entered the picture
at all. I promise. No sir, not a penny. Our good Christian congressmen
would never let something like that happen. Nope. Never. Bye."
我: "不. 不是. 決對沒有. 你們的稅金從來就沒有進入過圖片中.
我保證. 絕沒有一毛錢是花在這上面的. 我們信奉基督的良善的國會議員們
絕對不會讓這種事情發生的. 絕不. 再見. "
Texas. What a country.